CaffieneFueled Events
by IheartJanto-X
Summary: Ianto learns the effects of drinking 8 of his own industrial strength coffees at once. ONESHOT.


Captain Jack Harkness entered the HUB to the sound of hysterical laughter. He stopped suddenly, confused as to what could possibly be so funny in the quite dull underground surroundings. He rushed up to the source of the merriment, heading towards Gwen's desk where he found Ianto practically in tears from laughing so hard.

Jack stepped up behind Ianto,  
"What's so funny?" he asked warily. He had never seen Ianto laugh so hard, he almost sounded manic.

"Watch this!" he giggled. Jack watched as he excitedly hit the head of a plastic nodding dog that sat on the desk in front of him. As soon as the dog's head began to move up and down, Ianto burst into fresh fits of laughter.

Jack blinked, "That's, um....great" he stuttered, "Yan, are you ok?"

"I'm fine!" Ianto squeaked, "In fact, I'm AWSOME!! Why is it that Americans always say awesome?" he asked. Jack shook his head mutely.

Just as Jack was getting really worried by Ianto's strange behaviour, the door rolled open and in stepped the rest of the team.

"Thank God" Jack breathed, rushing over to his employees.

"We need to talk" he said, "Autopsy room, now!" Owen, recognising the panic in his boss's voice, responded immediately, walking down without a word. Gwen followed reluctantly, confused as to what was going on. Tosh spotted Ianto, who was now spinning on Gwen's office chair, and blinked.

"What's going on?" Tosh whispered. Jack nodded towards the Autopsy room, and Tosh headed down there, unsure and worried about her friend. Jack followed, with one quick glance at Ianto, who seemed content to spin rapidly on a computer chair.

"What's going on, Jack?" Gwen asked as he leant over the stair rail. He nodded subtly to where Ianto was still spinning,

"I don't know what the hell happened, but that's not the Ianto we all know and love" he ran a hand through his hair, "Owen, could you maybe do a few tests, I think something's infected his system"

Suddenly, there was an almighty crash from Gwen's desk. Jack winced, turning around to see Ianto sprawled across the floor, the computer Chair on its side, obviously the aftermath of Ianto's little game. Unabashed, Ianto skipped merrily over towards the autopsy room. He spotted Jack and grinned madly.

"JACK!!!" he yelled, rushing over to him and pushing him up into the railing. Jack gasped at the sudden contact.

"Ianto, what are you..?" he was cut off as Ianto kissed him passionately, grabbing Jack's waist forcefully. Jack responded instinctively but warily. He didn't know what was going on with Ianto, only that he wasn't himself, and this display of affection proved it.

A small cough from Owen brought them back to reality. Ianto turned to look at the medic, keeping a firm grip on Jack as he did so.

"Yes, Owen?" he asked pleasantly. Owen cautiously gestured for Jack to get Ianto down to the table to be checked over. Jack stepped slightly away from Ianto, causing Ianto to whimper softly.

"Jack?" he asked in a small voice, "Don't you want me anymore? Do I repulse you? Oh god, I do don't I?!" tears started to run down his face. Jack rushed back to him in horror.

"Of course not! Yan, you mean everything to me" he pulled him into a hug. Ianto looked up at him with wide, hopeful eyes.

"You still like me?" he asked.

"Oh, I more than like you" Jack smiled, stroking Ianto's cheek tenderly.

"And you think I'm good in bed?" Ianto asked in all seriousness, causing Gwen to choke on the Starbucks coffee she'd sneaked in to work.

Jack grinned, "You're very good, Yan, and you know it"

Ianto smiled with relief, "I happen to think you're pretty phenomenal yourself..."  
Jack smiled back, but the smile faded as Ianto finished his sentence,

"Even if you are very loud and needy"

Jack blushed, much to the amusement of his surrounding colleagues.

"Right...um...shall we get you down to the autopsy room, Ianto?" he said quietly, very much out of character from the usual boisterous Jack Harkness. He managed to get Ianto down the steps, not an easy task when he was jumping up and down.

"Okay, Yan, if you sit up here on the table, Owen will....play a game with you" Jack deadpanned. Owen glanced at Jack worriedly. Ianto nodded and enthusiastically leaped on to the medical table, immediately wrapping his legs around Jack's waist.

"Jack!" he whined, "I want _you_ to play with me" He seductively ran a finger down jack's chest, causing him to shiver.

"Maybe later, sweetie, first Owen needs to see you" As Jack had Ianto preoccupied, Owen took the opportunity to take a blood sample from him.

"OWW!!!!" Ianto yelled as the needle entered his arm. He glared at the culprit, waiting for the needle to be extracted before turning on him.

"Owen!" he said sharply, tapping him on the head, "You naughty boy!" He continued to glare in the medic's direction as he ran the blood sample through the scanner. Owen smirked as he realised the problem.

"What is it, Owen? Has something infected his blood?"

"Well, you could say that" Owen laughed, "It turns out his blood is full to the brim with caffeine. He's drunk too much coffee, Jack, and it's made him all....well, you can see for yourself"

Jack looked at Ianto, who was dancing around slightly on the table. Jack rolled his eyes.

"So he's in no danger?" jack asked.

"Well, not unless you count the danger of embarrassing both himself and you" Owen grinned. Jack sighed.

"Okay, so what do we do with him?"

"You're gonna have to tire him out, let him sleep it off"

Ianto shouted with joy, "Does that mean we can have sex?" he asked excitedly. Jack rolled his eyes,

"Talk about role reversal" he muttered, before turning to Owen, "Is it safe for him to...?"

"What, shag?! Of course, but I should warn you he might get a bit overexcited or perhaps fall asleep in the middle of it" he smirked. Jack paled considerably.

"Um...maybe later Yan" Ianto looked disappointed

"Fine!" he said moodily, marching over to play with the radio instead. He flicked through the channels until he found a song that he liked.

"Oh my God!" he yelled excitedly, jumping up and down on the spot, "I love this song"

He grabbed Tosh from where she was standing nearby and began to swing her around, singing loudly as they span,

_"Wake me up, before you go-go, don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo..."_

"How long before he wears himself out?" Gwen yelled to Owen over the singing. Owen shrugged.

"It could be anywhere between half an hour and half a day" Gwen sighed, annoyed that she would have to put up with this for that length of time.

Suddenly, the song changed into something that Ianto recognised immediately. He grinned, singing in a slightly huskier voice.

_"Baby, Take off your coat, real slow..."_

As he sang, he slowly started to remove his tie. As he ran it through his fingers seductively, Jack's jaw dropped as he realised what Ianto was doing. Owen realised a few seconds later what Ianto was up to, when he began to undo his shirt buttons.

"Oh God" Owen groaned as Ianto's shirt hit the floor, "this is gonna be a long night"

* * *

Ianto woke with a groan, turning over to find himself in Jack's bed below the office. He opened his eyes slowly, wincing as the pounding in his head started up. He looked down to see Jack curled up on the floor next to the bed, slowly waking up.

"Jack?" he murmured sleepily, "Why are you on the floor?"

Jack yawned, rolling up on to his elbows so he could see Ianto better.

"You were quite, um.....excitable last night. Neither of us would've got any sleep if I'd slept in there with you"

Ianto looked confused, "What do you mean, excitable?"

"Don't you remember?" Jack asked.

Ianto shook his head, "The last thing I remember was doing paperwork, and I think I was on about my 8th cup of coffee"

"Well, that explains things" Jack laughed

"Why, what happened last night?"

Jack looked uncomfortable, "The coffee obviously had an effect on you" he avoided Ianto's eyes, "It made you quite...lively"

"Oh God" Ianto moaned, "What did I do?"

"Are you sure you wanna know?"

"If I'm gonna be humiliated for the rest of my life by Owen, I at least need to know why"

Jack laughed quietly, "Well, I found you laughing at a nodding dog, and then you broke Gwen's chair spinning on it. Then you sorta...well, pinned me against the stair rail in the autopsy room, and proceeded to grope me in front of people, something that you always tell me off for, so you're slightly hypocritical"

Ianto was getting redder by the second, but Jack continued nonetheless.

"You also told the rest of the team how phenomenal I was in bed, but then decided to announce that I was, I quote, 'Loud and needy'" Jack glared playfully.

Ianto shrugged, "Well, now I think of it, you kind of are......."

"Don't say it!" Jack stopped him, "Anyway, after we took a blood test and learned that it was the caffeine that did it to you, Owen prescribed that we wear you out, then let you sleep" Jack grinned, "Well, you liked that idea, the team practically had to pull you off me"

Ianto rolled his eyes, "I suppose it could've been worse, I didn't do anything too embarrassing"

Jack looked down, uncomfortable.

"Jack?" Ianto asked suspiciously, "I didn't do anything else, did I?"

"Well, you turned the radio on, and the song from the Full Monty came on, and you kind of..."

Ianto groaned, "God, please tell me I didn't strip in front of the entire team"

Jack looked sheepish, "If it makes you feel any better, Tosh and Gwen were both commented on how fit you were under that suit. I think there was some dribbling going on"

Ianto glared, "Surprisingly, that doesn't make me feel much better. Please tell me you stopped me before I took everything off"

Jack grinned sheepishly, "Well, I didn't want to ruin your fun"

It was at this point that a pillow hit Jack square in the face. Ianto sighed. He moved to get dressed, knowing he would have to face the team at some point. As he started to pull on a shirt, two strong arms encircled his waist.

"I'm sorry, Yan" Jack rested his chin on Ianto's shoulder. Ianto turned in jack's grasp so they were facing each other.

"Jack, I have to go, there's work to do" he kissed him lightly to show there weren't too many hard feelings, then climbed the ladder into the main hub.

As he walked out of Jack's office, he could hear a supposedly hushed conversation between Gwen and Tosh.

"I had no idea how gorgeous he was under that suit" Gwen whispered.

"I know" Tosh agreed, "I mean, you could tell he had a nice bum, but I thought he was just adorable rather than...well, sexy as hell"

Gwen giggled, "And when the boxers came off...wow!"

"I'm so jealous of Jack right now" Tosh admitted.

Ianto stepped up behind them, "he'll be glad to hear that" he laughed, making them both jump. He walked away as the girls became rather flustered, smirking to himself. He headed over to the autopsy room, where Owen promptly began to hum "you can leave your hat on"

Ianto rolled his eyes, walking towards the coffee machine while ignoring Owen's attempts to antagonise him.

He grinned to himself as he suddenly had a brilliant idea. He coughed loudly to get the attention of the whole team, before making his announcement.  
"In light of the recent caffeine fuelled events, I've decided to stop supplying coffee to the team until I'm sure nobody will have the same...effects that I have suffered in the past 24 hours"

There was a gasp from each member of the team as they realised what Ianto was saying.

"You're....stopping our coffee?" Gwen whimpered in disbelief. Ianto nodded.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do" he finished, heading down to the archives.

No less than 10 minutes later, Ianto heard footsteps behind him, and Jack came bounding over to him, pulling him into a hug. He stepped back slightly to look Ianto up and down.

"Can I just say, you look positively glowing today, Yan"

Ianto rolled his eyes, "what do you want, Jack"

Jack smiled sweetly, stroking Ianto's cheek, "You know what you said earlier, about the...coffee?"

"Yes, I think I remember" Ianto said sarcastically.

"Well....that doesn't apply to me, right?"

Ianto laughed, "Of course it does"

"But why?!" Jack whined, sounding very much like a spoilt child. Ianto smiled at Jack's pout, kissing him on the forehead fondly.

"I don't want you getting all hyped up of coffee and embarrassing yourself like I did" he laughed, "I'm just looking after your health"

"Oh, I'm sure I could handle that amount of coffee, no problem" Jack grinned. Ianto smirked.

"Oh, really?"

* * *

The next morning, as Jack woke up with a splitting headache, wearing nothing but a feather boa, cowboy boots and a thong, he cursed as he realised that, yet again, Ianto had been right all along.


End file.
